China Travel 2.0

Met Jocelyn Eikenburg from twitter for @raykwong tweeted one of her articles:How Western Women Can Meet Chinese Men in China. Well, as you can see, the content is really solid with lots of personal experiences. I bet you can get anything if you want to find a Chinese husband(you can find the answers of how to find a Chinese wife from Nik and Fei’s story).  I am always looking for a way to show you how to understand china and Chinese well, maybe we have more and other better options, but find a Chinese partner is one effective one. but you will understand soon, have a Chinese partner is a kind of destiny. You are on the way to meet her/him from very beginning. Check Jocelyn’s story and try to understand what a Chinese complex is.

1 where are you from and where are you now?

I’m originally from Cleveland, Ohio, USA. I now live in the Southeastern corner of Idaho.

2 do you still remember your first time visiting China?what the first image of China and Chinese people in your mind that time? where did you Travel and please tell us more details about your first time traveling to China. how did you prepare for it? whats your expection?

I first came to China in 1999 to teach English in Zhengzhou, Henan — but before my partner and I went there, we landed in Beijing to spend several days touring the city. The people who were supposed to meet us at the Beijing airport didn’t come. We spent what must have been four or five hours or more in the airport, and that’s where I first had the chance to observe people in China (when you’re stuck in an airport and have a lot of time on your hands, you can’t help but people watch!). I remember noticing the Chinese men, because many of the them were walking with their arms around each other. I had read about this before in books about China, that this was common among men — and I found it fascinating. Most American men would never do this, because it might compromise their masculinity. It was nice to see that, here in China, men could put their arms around each other, and no one would think of them as less than a man.

Later that evening, when the airport closed, we had to take a taxi into Beijing and try and find our hotel. I’ll never forget how hard the guards and airport staff worked to help us communicate the location to a taxi driver — neither of us could speak good Chinese, so we were so grateful for the help.

Unfortunately, the taxi driver got lost in Beijing, and it took us a while to get to the hotel. But while he drove us around the city, we happened to pass Tian’anmen and that iconic photo of Chairman Mao in the shroud of night. That image is still etched deeply in memory. It’s strange to say, but up until that moment — even though I’d gone through customs, sat in the airport and interacted with the people — I didn’t completely feel like I was in China. But then I saw Chairman Mao’s face lit before Tian’anmen, and I knew I had finally made it to China.

While we were in Beijing, we visited a lot of the usual tourist spots — the Forbidden City, Tian’anmen Square, Beihai Park, the Summer Palace, and the Badaling Great Wall. Because I didn’t speak Chinese well, and it was such a new place, I still felt largely removed from everything around me. I was deaf to the chattering around me by locals. I could not read the signs, save a few translated ones in English. I was also dressed so differently from the Chinese girls my age; for example, my olive knit shirt and baggy khaki shorts looked depressing compared to their cheerful pastel tops and light-colored shorts, skirts and pants.

How did I prepare? I read a lot of books about China. I took some Tai Chi classes. I also asked my Tai Chi instructor, originally from Mainland China, to teach me some very basic Mandarin — things like numbers, helpful phrases like “thank you” and “how much is it?”

In terms of expectations, I think I expected China to be a little less developed than it was in reality. One woman I’d met, who taught English for a year in China, told me that China reminded her of a 1950’s version of the US. Another woman, who also taught in China, also gave me the impression that life was a lot simpler. But after visiting China, I saw the country was more modern than I expected — especially when I walked down Wangfujing in Beijing, in the shadow of so many sophisticated shopping centers and international stores. On other hand, as I spent more time in China, I also saw more of the countryside, preserving a more rustic, traditional way of life. I began to see a more nuanced picture of the country, where it was not all modern or all simple rural life, but a combination of both. And depending on the China you visited — a big city versus the countryside — you might come away with a different impression.

3 we all know you fell in love with China, but does it happen before your Chinese husband or after? can you give us top 3 reasons of your feeling about China? how many of your former friends still in US disagree with you? how did you tell them?

I think I’ve been fascinated with China most of my life. I loved Taoism when I was a teenager. My favorite part of the Cleveland Museum of Art was the Chinese and other Asian art. I started cooking more Chinese stir-fry dishes and ate them with chopsticks. Chinese medicine slowly became my preferred method of treating simple ailments. By the time I entered my freshman year at Marshall University, I exclusively drank tea, even patronizing a small, now defunct, teahouse in Cleveland’s Little Italy neighborhood during trips back home, where the owner introduced me to tea art and the subtle delicacies of each variety of tea. During my sophomore year in college, I bought a chrysanthemum and turned it into an amateur bonsai (盆景) with fiery red flowers. Even as a foreign student in Spain, Chinese culture loomed large. I found a bonsai store near my apartment, and, as a vegetarian, regularly patronized Chinese restaurants during travels in the country.

This feeling deepened after I went to China to teach English, and began studying the language. The more I learned about China, the more I wanted to know.

When I returned to the US after that first year of teaching English, I couldn’t stop thinking about China. It haunted my dreams. And I just didn’t feel engaged in the US the way I did in China. I wasn’t sure where China was taking me, and I knew it might mean leaving behind my degree in environmental biology. But, somehow, I felt, if I returned to China, I would find my direction. And, in the end, I did.

So, I think one reason I love China is because it helped me find my purpose in life. I learned Chinese, and I built up my career as a writer there — and those skills changed me, forever. I also am married to a man who wants to give back to China and support the country — in the field of psychology. From my husband’s point of view, psychological services are still not that strong in China, yet there is really such a need for more professional help. I share and support his passion to help the people of China, and look forward to that work when we return.

Another reason I love China is the people — and that’s not just because of my Chinese husband and family there. I’ve made so many incredible friends in China, who have been there for me in ways I never could have expected. My Chinese friends feel like extended family, even closer than what I feel with many of my American friends. I am also amazed by Chinese hospitality, especially in the countryside — people will open up their homes to you spontaneously, offering you tea, fruit, and even inviting you to stay for dinner. This hospitality is largely unheard of in much of the US.

My third reason why I love China is because the country engages me, and challenges me. Some of that is the language, some the many stories and long history. And some of that is simply because the experiences I have there are often so different from my childhood. Whether it is a positive or negative experience, I become more curious. I want to know why. And that keeps me coming back.

You know, I cannot say if my former friends have ever disagreed with me much about China. We don’t really talk about China that much. It’s hard to bring it up in a conversation, because most of them haven’t traveled much outside of the US, and it is hard for them to relate to the subject.

4 Can you speak Chinese now? how did you learn it besides your Chinese husband teach you? how was your mother-and father-in-law reflection when they first time see you? did they always educate you give them grandchild as soon as possiable as other Chinese parents do?

I do speak fluent Mandarin. Certainly, later on my husband gave me Chinese lessons. He still does to this day. But he is always quick to say that I learned it before meeting him!

I really began studying it the Spring semester of that first year in China. My Chinese friend Sophie arranged for her friend, Wang Bin, to tutor me three afternoons a week. We used a conversational Chinese textbook, and spoke only Chinese during those lessons. Wang Bin even recorded tapes for me that I could listen to in my spare time. But my real practice was when I went outside the school, and had a chance to speak with locals. By the end of that semester, I could hold conversations with Chinese people, and confidently traveled on my own.

Jocelyn in Chairman Mao's hometown

When I returned to China, I continued my studies with different tutors, and on my own — learning idioms, new vocabulary and how to recognize characters. I experimented with a lot of creative means of learning. For example, I watched TV series, such as Meteor Garden and Romance in the Rain; I learned how to sing songs from artists like Jay Chou and Xu Meijing; I even watched some movies in Chinese. The creative methods really made the learning fun and more flexible than a classroom. And, as always, I continued to speak with locals (which, later on, included my husband) — the best part is really putting what you learn into practice. By the time I considered actually taking time off from work to study, my Chinese was so good it didn’t make sense anymore. Plus, I knew that I would have less freedom and flexibility in a classroom, so I just continued working on my own — doing things like reading the newspaper and reading about Chinese culture, in Chinese — to build vocabulary, learn more idioms, and improve my character recognition.

My future inlaws definitely reacted differently to me on my first visit, which is perhaps indicative of their personalities and experience. My future mother-in-law was pretty distant — now that I know her, that makes sense, because she is a very cautious, pragmatic person who spent all of her life in the countryside. She is not so quick to trust strangers, and she is so smart, even though she didn’t finish primary school. I actually admire her now (for her caution and pragmatism, as well as her caring side, which I came to know over time), but back then, there was definitely a sense that we weren’t so close. In fact, I felt so nervous around her that I was afraid to ask for extra covers on the bed, and spent several chilly nights there because of it! However, my future father-in-law, on the other hand, warmed up to me during my visit. He is a retired elementary school teacher, and as such, teaching others is still one of his favorite things to do. Unlike my mother-in-law, I think he is more open to new people — maybe that’s because of his experience teaching — so he was more willing to talk with me than my future mother-in-law. He was definitely impressed with my ability to speak Chinese. I don’t think he expected a foreign woman to speak so well, and that, to some extent, changed his mind about me dating his son (before, he had told my husband “you can be friends with a foreign girl, but not date her.”). But, we really bonded when I took out some pictures of my family and life in the US, and shared them with him. He became so animated when I shared stories of my family, and it inspired him to tell me about his own childhood experiences.

I didn’t really get pressure from my inlaws to have children until the day after we had our wedding ceremony. My mother-in-law sat down with us and asked us to “have children earlier.” It was definitely a shock for me — especially because my husband and I were really still in a transitional phase in our life (he still had not gotten into graduate school yet, and I worked hard to provide for our family through my own business). I tried to explain to her how we didn’t have the ability to raise a child then, and how my health insurance was so ineffective that we couldn’t afford even the maternity costs in the US. I imagine she had a hard time understanding the challenges we faced in the US. So then, she replied with what she thought was the best solution: “You have the child, and I’ll raise it for you until it is 3 years old.” I couldn’t believe it! I would never, never want to have a child and then leave it over in China like that — I could never forgive myself! Of course, all of this has really challenged me because I’m not one of those women who has always wanted children, or gets excited about how adorable babies are. That gene must have skipped me somehow! Still, I think I’m lucky to have the husband I do. He is currently studying child clinical psychology — and, as part of his study, he actually has learned how to properly parent children. So if we have kids, he’ll make things a lot easier for both of us. Given the pressure from my inlaws, I expect one day he’ll put that knowledge to use in our own family.

5 how many places do you travel in China? where is the best one in your mind? why? whats your comments about travel to China for the western people? do you think it is a trend for the travel industry?why? whats your advices for your US friends if they are going to travel to China this year?

I’ve traveled to a lot of wonderful places in China — including Beijing, Zhengzhou, Kaifeng, Guilin, Yangshuo, Kunming, Xishuangbanna, Shanghai, Suzhou, Hangzhou (including Tonglu, my husband’s hometown), Dalian, Zhuji, Shaoxing, 1,000 Island Lake, Lijiang, Huangshan and Huizhou, Changsha, Luoyang, Xi’an, and Chengdu.

Jocelyn in a Lijiang cafe

Kaifeng is one of my favorites. I love the fact that some of the city’s best experiences are so open and accessible to the public. For example, this street right across from the night market there — it is lined on both sides with buildings that look so beautiful they could be framed works of art. And yet, these buildings also hold thriving local businesses (including probably the most gorgeous Xinhua bookstore you’ll ever see). Even the downtown is so unique, because it’s surrounded by a wall and there are no tall buildings permitted in Kaifeng, which means you can see many of the pagodas without even entering the parks. Of course, I love the night market. The chao liangpi (炒凉皮) is so heavenly there, and the almond tea (杏仁茶) is still one of my favorite desserts. It’s a great place to wander around to people watch and take in all of the sights and delicious smells. And if you arrive before the night market sets up, you can even enjoy what I call the “parade of stalls” — where all of these vendors wheel their tiny stalls down or across the main road, even right beside buses, bicycles and cars.

I would definitely expect to see more travel to China, as more people study the language/culture, do business there, and learn more about the country through events like the Beijing Olympics. The more we hear about China, the more we are fascinated and want to visit — just to experience what we’ve read in the newspapers, or seen on TV, or even learned about China from friends or family who went there.

My advice for travel to China? Don’t spend all of your time hopping from one famous site to another. Sure, you must see things like the Great Wall and the Terracotta Warriors. They are magnificent cultural relics, and worth the effort — but they are also, generally speaking, heavily commercialized, and the experience can feel a bit artificial and stressful. So, if that’s all you have scheduled from day to day, you can easily get burned out from your travels. But, more importantly, I’ve found that my best China moments, in general, didn’t happen when I was in a place like the Forbidden City. They happened in, say, a small, grotty cafe in Luoyang that cooked us the most amazing vegetarian soup on demand; or a little sidestreet in Lijiang’s countryside, where a conversation to buy some art started a longtime friendship; or even walking through a sea of bustling mahjong tables on the shaded streets of central Zhengzhou. Balance out the big sites with some time wandering through ordinary streets, or eating at ordinary restaurants — and you just might come away with some of your most extraordinary China experiences.

connect Jocelyn Eikenburg: jocelyn@thewuway.net
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Tags: China culture, china love story, China travel, teach in China